People Pleasing Can Lead to Depression
Ever said yes to something you really wanted to say no to? Maybe it was helping a friend move, baking cookies for a neighbor’s kid’s school project, or working late even though you were exhausted. That little voice in your head whispered, “You don’t have to do this.” But another voice, louder and pushier, insisted, “If you don’t, they’ll be upset. And we can’t have that!”
Congratulations, you’ve met your inner people pleaser.
What Is People Pleasing?
People pleasing is when you go out of your way to make everyone happy—even at the cost of your own happiness. It’s like being a superhero, except your superpower is saying yes, and your kryptonite is saying no.
You might think, What’s the harm in being nice? Kindness is great, but when it’s overdone, it can backfire. People pleasing isn’t about being nice; it’s about fearing disapproval so much that you prioritize others’ feelings over your own needs.
How Does This Lead to Depression?
1. You Lose Yourself.
Imagine giving away tiny pieces of yourself every time you say yes when you mean no. Over time, you’ll have nothing left. You start to forget who you are, what you like, and what makes you happy. This emptiness can lead to feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and—you guessed it—depression.
2. Constant Stress.
People pleasers are like jugglers trying to keep too many balls in the air. But instead of balls, it’s everyone else’s expectations. The pressure to keep everyone happy can make your stress levels soar. Chronic stress often sets the stage for depression.
3. Unfair Relationships.
When you’re always saying yes, some people might take advantage of you. You end up in one-sided relationships where you give and give, but no one gives back. Feeling unappreciated or used can be a fast track to feeling down.
4. Bottling Emotions.
People pleasers hate conflict, so they bottle up their true feelings. But bottled emotions don’t disappear—they stew, ferment, and eventually explode, often in the form of depression or burnout.
Imagine your inner people pleaser as a pushy car salesman. They’re always shouting, “Say yes! Take the deal! Don’t let them leave unhappy!” You wouldn’t buy every car that salesperson tried to sell you, right? So why buy into every request others throw at you?
How to Break the Cycle
1. Practice Saying No.
Start small. The next time someone asks you to do something you don’t want to, pause and say, “Let me think about it.” This gives you time to decide if it’s something you genuinely want to do.
2. Set Boundaries.
Think of boundaries as your personal fence. They’re not there to shut people out but to protect what’s inside—your time, energy, and mental health.
3. Prioritize Yourself.
Being a little “selfish” isn’t bad. It’s like putting on your oxygen mask first on a plane. You can’t help anyone else if you’re running on empty.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People.
Good friends respect your boundaries and appreciate you for who you are—not just for what you do for them.
People pleasing might feel like the easy road in the short term, but in the long run, it’s exhausting and damaging. Life is too short to be everyone’s yes person. Embrace the power of a well-timed “No,” and you’ll find more time, energy, and joy for the things that truly matter to you.
So, the next time you’re tempted to please someone at your own expense, ask yourself, “Would I rather make them happy or keep my sanity?” Choose wisely.
Abubakar Sanni
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Peace Tommy
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